GM reply to Bill Gates

Recently came across this nice piece. Enjoy!

General Motors REPLY TO BILL GATES
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we
would
all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
Stating:
"If GM had developed technology like microsoft, we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics :
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to
buy a
new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You
would
have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut
off
the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For
some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would ! run on
only
five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all
be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation"
warning
light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,
turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn
how
to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in
the
same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. "
Never undervalue the manufacturing & automobile industries

Change of Job!

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:

"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!".

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.

Brain teazer -II

1. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made
from blue bricks and a pink
house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from
black bricks, what is a
greenhouse made from?
Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks", what
the heck are you still doing
here reading these questions????? Dang.... If you said "glass",
then go on to question 2.

2. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany.
If you will recall, Germany
at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East
Germany. Anyway, during the
flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the
last remaining engine is also
failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the
engine fails before he has time
and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land"
between East Germany and
West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors - East Germany
or West Germany or in
"no man's land"?
You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else,
you are a real dunce and
you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your
efforts would not be
appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed
to the next question.

No messing Up!

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"


A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".


A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or loo king up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead."


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.. " "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chipcookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

It doesn't matter how many people you send this to, Just remember if it made you laugh, your friends will laugh too !!

Greatness of Sardarjis

Hello friends!! Well, jayant , my friend, told me the following incident which I wish to share with you. It has had a deep impact on my thinking.

In the diwali vacation, Jayant and his couple of friends had gone to Delhi.
They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar,and boys being boys, Jayant and his pals began cracking Sardarji jokes,just to insinuate the old man. But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed.

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid up the hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change. Moreover, he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said, (in Hindi, of course),''Son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to
them all and let me tell you, some of them were in a very bad taste. Still,
I don't mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the
world. But I have just one request. Here I am giving you one rupee each.
Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this city."

Jayant continued," That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn't find a single Sardar begging on the streets of Delhi."


Friends, we all love sardar jokes. But the fact of matter is that Sikhs are one of the most prosperous and diversified communities in the world. The secret behind their universal success, according to me, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, but he will never beg on the streets.

Oops ! Is it....Err

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.

The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid," answers the woman.

"We don't have a maid," says the man.
The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."

The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make 50,000?"

The maid asks, "What will I have to do?"

The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the Bitch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"

The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."

Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."

A long pause and the man asks, "Oops..! Is this 2261-1382?"

Azim Ji Bole To...

WHY EMPLOYEES LEAVE ORGANISATIONS ? - Azim Premji, CEO- Wipro

Every company faces the problem of people leaving the company for better pay or profile.

Early this year, Mark, a senior software designer, got an offer from a prestigious international firm to work in its India operations developing specialized software. He was thrilled by the offer.

He had heard a lot about the CEO. The salary was great. The company had all the right systems in place employee-friendly human resources (HR) policies, a spanking new office,and the very best technology,even a canteen that served superb food.

Twice Mark was sent abroad for training. "My learning curve is the sharpest it's ever been," he said soon after he joined.

Last week, less than eight months after he joined, Mark walked out of the job.

Why did this talented employee leave ?

Arun quit for the same reason that drives many good people away.

The answer lies in one of the largest studies undertaken by the Gallup Organization. The study surveyed over a million employees and 80,000 managers and was published in a book called "First Break All The Rules". It came up with this surprising finding:

If you're losing good people, look to their immediate boss .Immediate boss is the reason people stay and thrive in an organization. And he 's the reason why people leave. When people leave they take knowledge,experienc e and contacts with them, straight to the competition.

"People leave managers not companies," write the authors Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman.

Mostly manager drives people away?

HR experts say that of all the abuses, employees find humiliation the most intolerable. The first time, an employee may not leave,but a thought has been planted. The second time, that thought gets strengthened. The third time, he looks for another job.

When people cannot retort openly in anger, they do so by passive aggression. By digging their heels in and slowing down. By doing only what they are told to do and no more. By omitting to give the boss crucial information. Dev says: "If you work for a jerk, you basically want to get him into trouble. You don 't have your heart and soul in the job."

Different managers can stress out employees in different ways - by being too controlling, too suspicious,too pushy, too critical, but they forget that workers are not fixed assets, they are free agents. When this goes on too long, an employee will quit - often over a trivial issue.

Talented men leave. Dead wood doesn't.

A touching Story

What would you do? You make the choice! Don't look for a punch line; There isn't one! Read it anyway. The question to all of you is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children,the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe,that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked,"Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play, not expecting much. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench put on a team shirt with a broad smile and his Father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing the other team putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher

The game would now be over, but the pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the head of the first baseman, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever ran that far but made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!"
Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to second base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team, who had a chance to be the hero for his team for the first time. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions and he too intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman' s head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay"

Shay reached third base, the opposing shortstop ran to help him and turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third" As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and those watching were on their feet were screaming, "Shay, run home! Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

That day, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world.

Shay didn't make it to another summer and died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his Father so happy and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

AND, NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY: We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people think twice about sharing. The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

If you're thinking about forwarding this message,chances are that you're probably sorting out the people on your address list that aren't the "appropriate" ones to receive this type of message. Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the "natural order of things." So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up that opportunity to brighten the day of those with us the least able, and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's least fortunate amongst them.


May your day, be a Shay Day,sunny today tomorrow & always!

Brain teazer -I

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As
we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The
saying: "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the
brain, so.........
Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of
intelligence. So take the following test presented here and determine
if you are losing it or are still a MENSA candidate.

1. What do you put in a toaster?
The answer is bread. If you said "toast", then give up now and go
do something else. Try not
to hurt yourself. If you said "bread", go to question 2.

2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink?
Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not attempt the
next question. Your brain is
obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you
need to content yourself
with reading something more appropriate such as "Children's
World". If you said, "water" then
proceed to question 3.

Twist your Brain

If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute
then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than "one
degree", you are to be congratulated on getting this far.

6. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to
Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Oh, for heaven sake! It was YOU. Read the first line!!!