GM reply to Bill Gates

Recently came across this nice piece. Enjoy!

General Motors REPLY TO BILL GATES
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we
would
all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
Stating:
"If GM had developed technology like microsoft, we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics :
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to
buy a
new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You
would
have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut
off
the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For
some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause
your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would ! run on
only
five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all
be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation"
warning
light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,
turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn
how
to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in
the
same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. "
Never undervalue the manufacturing & automobile industries

Change of Job!

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:

"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!".

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years.

Brain teazer -II

1. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made
from blue bricks and a pink
house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from
black bricks, what is a
greenhouse made from?
Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks", what
the heck are you still doing
here reading these questions????? Dang.... If you said "glass",
then go on to question 2.

2. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany.
If you will recall, Germany
at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East
Germany. Anyway, during the
flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the
last remaining engine is also
failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the
engine fails before he has time
and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land"
between East Germany and
West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors - East Germany
or West Germany or in
"no man's land"?
You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else,
you are a real dunce and
you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your
efforts would not be
appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed
to the next question.

No messing Up!

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"


A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".


A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or loo king up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead."


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.. " "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chipcookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

It doesn't matter how many people you send this to, Just remember if it made you laugh, your friends will laugh too !!

Greatness of Sardarjis

Hello friends!! Well, jayant , my friend, told me the following incident which I wish to share with you. It has had a deep impact on my thinking.

In the diwali vacation, Jayant and his couple of friends had gone to Delhi.
They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar,and boys being boys, Jayant and his pals began cracking Sardarji jokes,just to insinuate the old man. But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed.

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid up the hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change. Moreover, he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said, (in Hindi, of course),''Son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to
them all and let me tell you, some of them were in a very bad taste. Still,
I don't mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the
world. But I have just one request. Here I am giving you one rupee each.
Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this city."

Jayant continued," That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn't find a single Sardar begging on the streets of Delhi."


Friends, we all love sardar jokes. But the fact of matter is that Sikhs are one of the most prosperous and diversified communities in the world. The secret behind their universal success, according to me, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, but he will never beg on the streets.

Oops ! Is it....Err

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.

The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid," answers the woman.

"We don't have a maid," says the man.
The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the woman of the house."

The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband."

The guy is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make 50,000?"

The maid asks, "What will I have to do?"

The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the Bitch and the jerk she's with."

The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"

The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."

Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool."

A long pause and the man asks, "Oops..! Is this 2261-1382?"